Looking back, I believe I was set on creating a life we wanted instead of living the life we had.
From then to now
We arrived back to North Carolina after our epic trip out west to realize very quickly that we had nowhere to feel at home. The RV (Polly) is our safe space but unfortunately where we were building our home HOA prevented us from being able to also live in it. Therefore, we were left figuring out our next steps. We landed in an apartment, which has its downfalls, but was also a beautiful time for us to meet neighbors, have a pool right out our door and listen to cars start all morning. I am being very sarcastic here as that was obviously not enjoyable.
For the next 11 months my husband spent the majority of his time at our plot of land managing the build and late into the night hands on as well. Life was hard. There were some health challenges as well and we were all missing our life in Richmond and our friends. 2021 although was not the year of “COVID” many people still were quarantined and not out meeting new friends. I was lonely and in survival mode.
Fast forward to November 2021 and WE MOVED IN!
She really is a beauty, and much more beautiful today with grass and construction debris gone. So you might ask was the wait worth it? I am not so sure. Our lives look different here and it has been harder. Life has had obstacles since we moved and that alone makes me want to run to where life was easier. Year 2022 was a good one but still very isolating. We traveled, made great memories, joined a local co-op and met great people. As you know though, those things don’t always make a life enjoyable. Looking back, I believe I was set on creating a life we wanted instead of living the life we had.
Year 2023 – I said goodbye to her with gusto. That little tidbit I wrote about not living the life I had, well I did not realize that until…well now. Truth be told I was merely surviving. If you could visually picture someone treading water while walking, that was me. We welcomed two sweet girls into our lives (I will write another post on foster care) while their Mama healed from addiction. I love them and would do it a million times over, the stress of their trauma and the effect it had on myself, and my children was difficult to maneuver. During the time the girls were here (8 months) my daughter was also rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1. The year was spent either on my knees in prayer or in tears mourning what once was and was no longer. I’d be lying of omission if I did not say that much of the year was also spent angry and filled with stress. (those darn cortisol levels also made it hard to stay healthy and fit) We did not travel much in Polly due to restrictions for fostering and life was just heavy. I hope all of you know there were still great blessings and great memories made but under the blanket I was breaking. It is hard to see the blessings and the goodness when your vision is clouded with haze.
Today is January 2, 2024. The New Year has begun, and I am determined to live it differently. To climb out from under the heavy blanket and dust off the burdens of the past. To reignite the passion for my life and begin to enjoy life. I have learned a great lesson though, which is probably what I should have learned a year ago. I have to make time for me. I have to process what is happening around me before I start to go under. Once I am under it is so hard to get back your breath. Especially when so many people need you every day.
The first thing on my agenda is to get this blog up and running again, start a new Instagram aimed at my passions and get my youtube up and going as well. I hope you will join me in this thing we call life. Let’s be friends. I am so looking forward to it.
